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Tag: humorous

But What Do You Bring to the Table?

How big is this table? How many, and when? Will
I know anyone? I can do grilled chicken. Asparagus.

Something with curry. Nothing fancy, though I can
follow a recipe. Napkins, dishes, knives, forks.

Anxiety and depression, which, like salt and pepper,
should always be passed together. I can fix

a faucet and build a campfire, name the actor in that
one movie, sound like Donald Duck. When he’s angry.

I can rock any baby to sleep, take twenty-minute
naps. Do you need extra chairs?

I can sit on the floor.

Rencontrez Noël

If,
in the midst
of your holiday roast—
ascending, beforked,
from your holiday plate
to your holiday mouth—
receive from me a vexing
imperative to ‘Meet
Christmas!’, please
remember that I
and technology are disequally
fickle and imprecise.

Of regardless I do
so wish you both
a lifelong and joyous
acquaintance.

The Fluid Dynamics of Personal Hygiene

Once you’ve squozen the recommended
allotment of shampoo relative to hair-girth

into your palm, be careful when letting go
the bottle for its pop-back-reset,

or the mintfused molecules will panic and,
with eucalyptous hands, cling to each

other in a desperate, schlurpy retreat back
into the globuly hive, leaving only an

invigorating, sulfite-free residue in the air,
your hair plastered, and unwashed.

Like the deep-cleansing morning I spent on the
front porch with my coffee and my dog and

suddenly remembered the day my mother changed
the locks on all the doors and my father,

and I hadn’t even showered.

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